A distinguished panel of widows recently convened to vent about every-day things that now cause incessant eye-rolling:
1. Wedding Dress Commercials
No offense to David’s Bridal but their commercials no longer take us to a happy place. We now look at the couple, filled with happiness and joy as they prepare to exchange vows, and wonder if they know cancer, suicide, an overdose, and even malaria is lurking behind the wedding cake waiting to shatter their happily ever after.
2. Erectile Dysfunction Ads
Yes, we get sex is an important part of a marriage. We know that couples enjoy a healthy sex life well into their golden years. But, those Cialis and Viagra commercials remind us that that won’t be us. As one widow pointed out, “We were supposed to be that horny older couple”.
3. Contact Forms
In case of emergency, please call… That hits home for many widows because when we lost our spouse, we lost our emergency contact. It sucks having to now write in a best friend or aging parents.
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4. Marriage Memes
You’ve seen them. “My first marriage will be my only marriage”. Many of us were naive too. We thought we’d live to the ripe old age of 99 and die within hours of each other. But death had other plans. We do hope you’re fortunate enough to have a first marriage be the only marriage though because being widowed sucks!
5. Ad Agencies
Hey advertising agencies! While we have nothing against your use of traditional family photos to sell your clients’ products, we want you to keep in mind that families come in all shapes and sizes. Graduation photos for example, can include an only parent with her child. Vacation advertisements don’t always have to be a happy family of four. We’d like to be represented too!
6. Bickering Spouses
We know firsthand that in the grand scheme of life, the argument you’re having with your husband isn’t worth it. So what if he didn’t take out the trash for the second time this week? Who cares if he left the toilet seat up? A widow recalls hearing a wife say she wished her husband was dead. “I put my coffee down, walked right up to her and I said, ‘No, you don’t!’ then walked out.” Take it from us, don’t sweat the small stuff. Appreciate each other before one of you becomes a memory.
7. Daddy-Daughter Dances
We aren’t anti-daddy, not by a long shot. We only hope that schools across the country will be more sensitive to the diverse make-up of today’s families. From LGBTQ families to those in the widowed community, there may not be a male in the household. Why continue to cause us unnecessary anxiety? And to the schools providing strangers to serve as “escorts” for those children whose father is unable to attend for whatever reason…just no! That is beyond CREEPY! Why can’t the dance just be a dance?
8. Fake Widows
Awww. Poor wife. She’s posted on social media about her newfound “widow” status now that her husband is gone…until Sunday night. We don’t want to be too harsh as some of us have claimed to be hunting/football/sports widows prior to actually becoming widowed but trust us, it’s NOT the same. Your fake widow posts are annoying. Stop it!
Join our Petty-Party. What things do you find annoying post-loss?
Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry Phillips became widowed at age 32. She runs an online support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a blogger for The Huffington Post.
What I find annoying are people (especially men) wanting to know what I do to make a living. Since widowed I’ve been slammed with other circumstances that caused me to have to live on an amount my husband left in assets. I get treated like I’m something rich to be taken advantage of all the time. I get slammed with comments like “you don’t HAVE to work” and “I need, I need”. Or that my time isn’t important since I don’t have a 9-5. Also that I’m not valid as a human being since I have no job to define me. Dating? There are only 2 types of men now. The ones with their guard up as if I’m going to take them for everything and the others who want to take me for everything. I don’t want either.
So not anyone’s business! Make sure you protect your self. Some people aim to prey on us 🙁
I hate that everyone is so concerned about if I’m having sex. I heard” you need to get laid” all the time. Whatever go @$!# yourself.
Emily yes i hear you or oh do you think youll move on hed want you to be happy like jeeze go away x
Yes, that’s another one we hear all the time. SMDH
5 months after losing my husband, I had people ask if I had any “dating prospects yet” – I was speechless. Also, I’m so tired of people throwing out all the bs about the “one year Mark”. As if something magical will happen on day 365 and everything will just be alright, all of a sudden.
I know! Year 2 was so hard for me. It was then that the reality set in 🙁
One missed, that most articles, discussions groups focus on husband loss. Very few on losing your wife.
Zach, I hope you’ll consider checking out widower John Polo’s Better Not Bitter blog. He writes from the widower perspective. It may be helpful.
OMG, yes, the “daddy-daughter dance”. I initially ignored the flyer, and then she asked, and then she pleaded. #sheissix
She was 3 when he was diagnosed with AML, SHE was the first to find him passed away in bed. #shewasfour
If this “dance” was so important to her, I made it my priority. From going to war the principal and the PTA (who told me maybe I should help clean up)
There wasn’t a chance they I wouldn’t be taking her.. and of course they let me, BUT only after I pulled the “well, if she had two mom’s would you be that discriminating”
They were not happy, I don’t care #shewas She had soo much fun, her classmates loved having me there.
Her classmates dad’s had more fun, with me telling them to relax, enjoy your daughters.
Her classmates occasionally ask if she has a dad, I say yes, in heaven, so right now I am mom/dad, they love it and call me {name}s momad, she loves it, and that’s all #icareabout
Glad you stuck to your guns and went. Love “momad” 🙂
Dating is hard guys.
4th year on.
I’ve just turned 35,no kids.
It’s too lonely.
It can be hard but remember to keep an open mind.
Yes, yes and yes lol. This list is the best Kerry I really need to read the blog more often.