I get it. You ask your husband a question and it falls on deaf ears. You need help in the kitchen but he’s been parked in front of the television for the past four hours. You’re frustrated and at your wits’ end. Nothing seems to ever get accomplished around the house during football season…unless you’re the one handling it.

You need to vent and blow off some steam so you log onto social media and bemoan the fact that you’re a “football widow”.

As someone who is an actual widow – not a football widow, not a basketball widow, not a hunting widow – but a real life widow with no hopes of getting my man back “after the season”, I find your use of the term offensive and hurtful.

I know that you don’t mean to be insensitive and I’m certainly not implying that you did it intentionally. I just want you to realize the emotions your use of the word stirs up for me (and widows across the country) every time we hear it.

In your defense, prior to losing a spouse, many widows felt the same way you do. We complained about week-long hunting trips and the dreaded NFL/college football season. Now that we’re in fact widowed, we’ve learned that football/hunting season pales in comparison to the countless days, months, years and decades that we must carry on alone – without our soulmate by our side.

Your use of “football/hunting widow” feels like a slap across the face to those of us in the widowed community. As one widow pointed out, “It’s making a joke out of my worst nightmare”.

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Instead of feeling like you’ve lost your spouse during that brief period of time, I encourage you to embrace whatever sport or activity he’s engrossed in. Football? Buy his favorite team’s jersey and cozy up next to him on the couch as he roots them onto victory. Hunting? Talk to him about the highlights of his trip. World of Warcraft? Learn to play it and surprise him. He’ll appreciate your efforts.

Or, use some of the time he spends on his own interests to do something you enjoy. Don’t do a task that merely benefits your children; carve out a couple hours just for you.

Understand that actual widows would love to have our spouses in the next room cheering for their beloved team. We’d enjoy having the option of sitting next to them during a game – even if it’s just reading a magazine – instead of making a trip to the cemetery. A fellow widow summed up what we feel when she said, “Nothing prepared me for the day [my husband] died while on a hunting trip. I would give anything to go back to our lives the way they were when he was just gone for a while. Death is permanent (at least in this life or until I reach heaven.)”

So please, the next you’re feel lonely or neglected by your spouse due to his love of football, hunting or other game, think about my widowed journey and be mindful of the words you use to describe your own situation. You’re not a widow…not by any stretch of the imagination and I pray you never have the horrible experience of being one.

Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry Phillips became widowed at age 32. She runs an online support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a blogger for The Huffington Post.