I am preparing to add the 8,000th member to my online support group for young and widows and widowers. I continue to be inspired by the resiliency of the group, despite the heavy toll of death being the tie that binds us all together.
As a prescreening/safety measure, each member is asked to share a link to his/her spouse’s obituary (sucks that I even need to, but you’d be surprised at the random lurkers, scammers and widow-chasers who try to get into daily). I try to read each obituary to give each the respect it deserves and to reflect on the life of a stranger whose death has somehow connected me to his/her partner.
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What I’ve learned:
It’s not your fashion or shoe collection that matters; it’s your faith and spirituality and their importance in your life.
It’s not your political party; it’s your passion for life.
It’s not the square footage of your house; it’s the size of your heart.
It’s not your bling; it’s being bold and embracing life.
It’s not your MacBook, smartphones and gadgets, it’s the memories, stories, and grins your spouse and child(ren) are left with.
It’s not the job title; it’s the joy you brought to others’ lives.
It’s not your collections; it’s how you cared for and about your fellow man.
It’s not your education; it’s the effort you’ve put into making the world better while you were in it.
It’s not the worries, anxieties and regrets you had; it’s the words of wisdom, advice and reminders that carry on long after you’re gone.
It’s not your money; it’s your morals and the way you lived.
It’s not the awards you received; it’s the attitude in which you moved through life.
It’s not about your zodiac sign; it’s about your zest for life.
Most importantly, an obituary doesn’t tell me about someone’s death; it shows how how he or she truly lived!
May each of us live each moment as though our obituaries were being written in real-time and make each second count!
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Kerry runs a support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a contributor to Open to Hope. She is the author of “Letters to the Widowed Community” and “The One Thing: 100 Widows Share Lessons on Love, Loss, and Life.” Her articles on widowhood and grief have been featured in HuffPost and Love What Matters. She’s also the host of the Young, Widowed & Dating podcast.
Beautifully written Kerry.
Thanks, Jasmine!