I often reflect on the person I used to be – the life I shared with my late spouse. It’s strange how it feels like a distant universe, almost alien. But then, in an instant, the pain of his absence hits me to my core, and I’m reminded of the gravity of my loss.
Losing him felt like a storm that tore through my soul, leaving me exposed and vulnerable in so many ways. I felt helpless, exposed, and as though I was completely unraveling. I was on the brink of shattering into a million irreparable pieces. I never thought I could exist in a world where he was not physically present.
Yet, here I am, still standing, still breathing. The pain of losing him has been intertwined into the fabric of the person I am now. The grief, which once felt like an all-encompassing hurricane, has transformed into a quieter summer rain shower – a reminder etched into the scars of my heart that I have loved profoundly and lost deeply.
Time certainly hasn’t healed all wounds, but it’s allowed me to add new stories and chapters to my life. There have been new experiences, new connections, and in a twist of fate, a new love story. The grief that once consumed me now pushes me to seek out my own version of happiness.
In reflecting, my biggest takeaway was that his death didn’t break me beyond repair. I now understand the intricate dance between love and loss, growing and grieving, and hurt and healing.
Kerry runs a support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a contributor to Open to Hope. She is the author of “Letters to the Widowed Community” and “The One Thing: 100 Widows Share Lessons on Love, Loss, and Life.” Her articles on widowhood and grief have been featured in HuffPost and Love What Matters. She’s also the host of the Young, Widowed & Dating podcast.