The alarm blared around me, but in my little piece of the world, there was complete silence.

I was alone with my thoughts in the cocoon of my bathtub, my only place of solace and solitude.

I’d gotten the call the day prior that my husband had died unexpectedly. Not only had I not been there when he took his last breath, but I was still 1,000+ miles away from him and my brain struggled to make sense of his absence. He was gone from my life, yet the world continued to go on as though my loss meant nothing.

As the tears flowed and I willed my husband to connect with me once last time so I could feel his presence, I felt nothing but emptiness. I’d always told him no matter where he was in the world, I’d find a way get to him. But, this time, I couldn’t.

(Disclaimer: Suicide and suicidal thoughts are discussed in portions of the next few paragraphs. If you or someone is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255)

And in those moments, I thought of escaping to the darkest parts of my mind. The parts that told me to come – come and you’ll be reunited with him…come and the pain will end…just come…

My mind wandered in and out of reality, and the alarm seemed to blare even louder than before. Now, I heard what sounded like banging. I turned off the shower, and there was the noise again. As I temporarily snapped out of my pressing pain to investigate, I found my security alarm blaring and my mother on the other side of a half-opened door – held in place by the chain door guard. She was in panic mode. She later told me she thought I’d completed suicide.

Looking back, though I did feel like dying, I wasn’t actively suicidal. I was hurting. I was devastated. I was grieving. I thought the very best parts of me and my life were behind me. I couldn’t picture a world where I was ever “okay” or where happiness could find me again.

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If you’re reading this as someone in those raw stages of grief, I want you to know it does get better. It sounds cliché, I know. But, if you keep going, you’ll find there can be laughter, happiness, fulfillment and even new love post-loss.

Yes, life will be different than the one you envisioned, but it is still worth living. Remember moving forward doesn’t mean letting go of the love you shared with your late spouse or that you no longer love them. Love never dies. Whether you opt to stay in bed and disconnect from the world, or you get up and become an active participant in life, you’ll still miss your late partner. It’s okay to live while grieving. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind as you navigate life after loss:

• Remember to be patient with yourself. Don’t allow a bad few days to become a bad month.
• Reach out for help if your grief is morphing into depression. They are not the same.
• Give yourself grace. You’re going to make mistakes. Make amends when needed and learn from missteps.
• Find your tribe. There are a wealth of niche widowed support groups online. Find one that gives you hope, not one that pulls you farther down into the black hole of your grief.
• Allow yourself to grieve. You can’t outrun it. You need to sit with it and process it.
• Forgive yourself. Not one of us was a perfect spouse or partner. If you’re holding yourself hostage for things left unsaid, consider writing a letter to your late spouse and letting go of the guilt.
• Forgive your late spouse/partner. You can love the person and not their action(s). Work with a professional to help you unpack the anger you may still be holding on to.
• Know that every feeling is valid. Grief isn’t always thinking of the good times. Sometimes, grief looks like anger and regret. But, all those feelings are completely normal. There is no one way to grieve.
• Figure out if you’re grieving reality. So often, we put our late-spouses on a pedestal, forgetting they were human with flaws and imperfections. We then use that marker as the barometer to unfairly judge every potential partner. Be fair; don’t compare.
• Live. It can be so hard to navigate life without your person, especially when your plans involved them. Please know you have a lot of life left in you, even in your hurt and sadness. This new life, though different, can be filled with love, laughter, friendship, achievements, bucket lists and more. Live for your spouse or children if you have to until you can live for yourself.

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Eventually, you’ll find you’re no longer just surviving and going through the motions. It may not be apparent right away, and there are times you may get upset or feel guilty for embracing life or crying less frequently. You’re not forgetting, but you’re growing through your grief. According to an article in Psychology Today by Dr. Steven Stosny:

“Recovery from common grief over the death of a loved one is the paradigm of how the mind heals itself. In the beginning of the grief process, memories of the deceased amplify the sense of loss and inhibit premature emotional investment in others. For a while, the pain is acute. Yet over time, the mind focuses less and less on what has been lost. This mental shift of focus away from loss allows positive experiences with the deceased — restorative images, if you will — to dominate memory. It becomes pleasant to think about the lost loved one. At that point, emotional healing has occurred.”

There is life on the other side of the rawest parts of pain. Remember that always.

Kerry runs a support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a contributor to Open to Hope. She is the author of “Letters to the Widowed Community” and “The One Thing: 100 Widows Share Lessons on Love, Loss, and Life.” Her articles on widowhood and grief have been featured in HuffPost and Love What Matters. She’s also the host of the Young, Widowed & Dating podcast.