While you’re busy judging the widowed person in your life, please know…
The vacation photos may be his attempt not to feel suffocated in a house that no longer feels like home, especially during the holidays.
The excessive attention given to her children may be because she’s the only one there at nights as they crawl into bed, crying for a dad who is never coming back.
The move out of state may be to escape the hurt and pain of in-laws who somehow blame her for the death.
The new car purchase may be his way of not having a breakdown each time he gets into the car he shared with his late spouse.
The inability to immediately trust may be because everyone who promised to be there after her husband’s passing is nowhere to be found.
The renovations may be how he continues to live in a home where his wife completed suicide.
The hesitation to love post-loss may be from the fear of her having to see another spouse become a shell of himself as a terminal illness ravages his body.
The struggle to “move on” (FYI: we move forward, not on) may be because widows and widowers live in a world that still doesn’t understand the emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, financial, and social toll the death of a spouse has on the surviving partner. And, because they are still being judged by people who have never lost a spouse!
It has been 7 years since the death of my husband (we were both 29), and I still get heavily judged by his family. Their judgement is cruel, unforgiving, and unrelenting. This really hit home for me because I live this every day and have to deal with it every time we go to visit them (thank goodness we live far away!). I feel that judgement from others who haven’t walked our path is inevitable, and it’s something I’ve learned that will always be present. For me, it will always be my former in-laws, and sadly enough, their constant judgment has driven a wedge between us and forced me to limit mine and my kids’ exposure to them. I constantly have to remind them that they aren’t in my shoes, so they can’t possibly understand… I hope they never have to be where I am.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’re right though. We wish others would “get it” but without having to have the terrible experience of losing a spouse.
I am so sorry..