Don’t ever judge a widow for opening her heart to love again.
Dating after the loss of a spouse takes balls. Giant ones.
To believe in a happily ever after when yours was unfairly and untimely ripped from you…
To have to take a self-inventory of who you are – without the man you loved for more than half your life…
That’s brave.
To allow a new guy to stand on his own merits – in his own spotlight – and not compare him to your late spouse…
To delicately balance two worlds – honoring your spouse while moving forward…
That’s courageous.
To remarry after you’ve said goodbye to the love of your life…
To know in the back of your mind that you can be faced with another cancer diagnosis, another sudden illness, another accident, another suicide…
To realize that it may be you – and not your new partner – who could be taken before happily ever runs its course…
To understand the pain he will feel when he is left to carry on without you and risk it anyway because you know that love is worth it…
That’s resolve.
To give after you’ve lost…
To be open to life after death closed a chapter…
That’s daring.
Love her. Support her. Be there for her. Salute her!
Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry runs a support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a contributor to Open to Hope. She is the author of “The One Thing: 100 Widows Share Lessons on Love, Loss, and Life” and her articles on widowhood and grief have been featured in HuffPost and Love What Matters. She was recently featured on the podcast, Moments of Clarity.
I love the second sentence. That’s my kind of positive affirmation.
Thanks, Danny!
Thank you! I’m so weary of every one expecting me to mourn my husband forever and saying it must be rebound and not believe that I can love again!!!! Thank you for acknowledging that it takes courage to love again!!! I desperately needed someone to affirm that!! I wept when I read your article!!!
Thank you!!!
Thanks so much. I’m so happy it spoke to your heart. As Kelley Lynn often says, “Love Grows Love” <3
I just lost my husband on December 10th after a 21 month battle with cancer. I have a 21 month old. Life right now just feels so uncertain. My husband and I were just shy of our fourth wedding anniversary when he passed. I am not yet 30. The word widow seems so scary to me. It’s helpful but also heartbreaking to know that there are other young moms out there who have walked a similar path.
Hugs, Jennifer. Yes, I’d encourage you to find your widowed tribe. It sucks that there are so many of us but it feels so good knowing we aren’t alone.
Your blogs are art. Thank you for this incredible gift. My husband died in November after a 2 1/2 year battle with prostate cancer – a horrible and humiliating disease. While not quite as young, I am 47 and feel very much young. He was my second chance, my one and only, and taken after 5 years of marriage and 8 beautiful years together. Hugs to all of you going through this crazy grief process no one expects or deserves.
Such a lovely compliment, Christine. Hugs to you as well. Thanks
Christine – I have almost the same story as yours except my husband had Glioblastoma. Friend request me – Kelli Ash
I lost my husband in May 2018 after been totally bedridden and paralysed due to his cancer. We were 36. When I felt ready I started going out and for me the physical was easy, it was the emotional I battled with. Today I am in a relationship and I’d like to believe I love this man but I’m not even sure myself. I find myself been very insecure although he treats me like gold. I am happy with my life but been a widow changes you forever
Yes, widowhood changes us – some good, some bad. Keep pushing forward, even on the days when you feel like running away from your new relationship. He sounds like a great guy!
Thank you for this. I became a widow in May 2018. And in August 2019 I began a relationship with a man that I have known for as long as I had known my late husband. He admitted to me that he has liked me for many years and I had no idea. I struggled in the beginning of the relationship with guilt over the very stuff written here. But seeing this makes me realize that I am braver than I give myself credit for. Thank you!
So happy the article was helpful! Happy to hear about your new relationship. It takes huge balls to push beyond the fear. Go you!
Well said and very informative. However, in the Indian community widows get judged so much for even just looking or being looked at. My daughter also has such an issue with even people calling me and want to go out with me even for a few hours.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Yes, I’m aware widowhood can be viewed differently across countries and cultures. Hopefully through education everyone can extend some grace to us. It’s not like we asked to lose a spouse.