Six years later, I miss him as if he’d died only 2 months ago.
I miss my husband on the most perfect of days.
And I miss him even more on my worst days.
I miss my husband as I snuggle with my guy on the couch while watching TV.
Perhaps it’s a commercial, a song or some other thing that reminds me of him…reminds me of us.
And, before you say thinking about my late husband while tucked snuggly in the arms of my new man means I am not ready for love, please tell me how many husbands you’ve lost.
Tell me how you handled getting the phone call or hearing the doctors say there was nothing else they can do.
Tell me how you made sense of your world changing overnight. How you went to bed as a married person only to wake up the next morning to have your relationship status changed to ‘widowed’ before noon.
Tell me how long it took you to let go of the suicidal thoughts…the urge to go be with your husband.
Tell me how you wondered why God turned his back and allowed this horrific tragedy to unfold.
Tell me how you barely got through the hours, days, weeks and months – trapped in those raw stages of grief.
Go on, tell me.
On the days I find myself surrounded by my wonderful tribe of widows, I miss my husband.
When my daughter fills my eyes and heart with joy, I miss my husband.
As I acknowledge the bold, fierce, independent woman I’ve become post-loss, I miss my husband.
And, while you’re demanding I “get over it”, do share how you would have been a “better” widow.
Tell me how long you’d mourn life as you knew it coming to a screeching halt.
Tell me at what point in your grieving you’d get over the man you’ve loved from Day 1.
Tell me when you’d decide that the love you shared was no longer worth holding onto.
Tell me how you’d put your heart back together so tightly that the pain of grief never seeped in.
Tell me how much time is required to close off your heart, mind, and soul to the love that a spouse poured into you.
Go on, tell me.
I can get to a healthy place within my grief and still miss my husband.
I can love and be loved again and still miss my husband.
I can move forward and still love my husband.
I can live and still miss my husband.
I miss my husband.
Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry runs a support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a contributor to Open to Hope. Her articles on widowhood and grief have been featured in HuffPost and she was recently featured in the Moments of Clarity podcast.
This is so accurate. Thank you for always being able to put into words how we are all feeling, Kerry!
Perfection!
Thanks, Kelly!
So powerful and so true. The grief never really goes away, it just manifests itself in different ways. Thank you for sharing!!
Hi people of God,my life has badly changed after the lost of my fiancé and husband to be.i lost my husband in July 2021 at the point our wedding in August,this mess has completely destroyed my life and i can’t get way out of this panic and trauma.i miss him so dearly each and every second and i don’t know what to do to accept what happen.he was my father mother brother sister son best friend and nothing but my all in one!i really love my husband and we all were ready for our wedding but i can’t explain how this happened and why?i miss you my dear Ebson and want to be where you are?your beautiful beloved wife Sarah
So sorry for your loss, Sarah. I hope you’ll consider being part of the amazing widowed support groups such as Hope for Widows Foundation and Soaring Spirits. There is such healing in knowing you aren’t alone.
You are amazing I love this post ❤❤
It is still so very hard for me to not have my precious husband
It has been 2 years since he went to Heaven
Everyday I grieve for him
My life is not the same
I just lost mine. He was my best friend. I really thrived on his simple presence.
Big hugs.
It’s been 9 years and I still miss my significant other so intensely at times. I can go days living a normal life but there are moments of pain and longing that are hard to deal with.
Same here. It will be our wedding anniversary tomorrow; would have been 20 years. The day after will be his birthday.
I miss him. 10 years and counting and I still miss him.
Yes, definitely to what Kelly stated!
Although, I’m in the early stages of grief- will be two months on Dec 1 and it’s hard to even think about nothing but that moment, I’m absolutely with everything Kerry stated. Best wishes to all of us!
Speechless Kerry, you nailed it darling….you’re so real on this issues.Keep it up. Am one of those who are really touched by your articles 😘😘😘
Agree!
Thanks, Marcia
I really appreciate it, Wilfrida. Glad they’ve been helpful!
June 11,2021 I lost my best friend , husband ,childs father and my soulmate this year on Mar.18 he died in front of me from congestive heart failure we was together for 23 years and married for 17 years I am so lose, Hurt,confuse I miss him so much it seems like I won’t make it without him
Please know that you will in fact make it. I hope you’ll consider reaching out to a support group. It’s helpful knowing that you aren’t alone.
First if al sorry for my bad English…I just lost my husband due to covid one month ago..we have three kids and I’m still missing him..he is my soulmate…I’m also angry due to he is leaving me..angry to myself for not spend much time with him…
Well said.
I am older, and I miss my husband. I am hoping someone will come into my life, but I will never stop missing my husband. Thank you for these words of wisdom.
My dear, It’s normal to miss him but God knows the best….
We don’t ever stop, regardless of age. Hugs to you.
It’s been 7 1/2 years it’s still very hard
Surely it’s hard….
It sure is!
U gv me alot of comfort my husband died .i was pregnant with our second child,was the hardest period of my life i still miss him.so much ,i dont nou if i cn love again but i pray to God
Glad my words gave you a bit of comfort. Take all the time you need to heal and grieve. If and when you’re ready for love again, I hope it finds you.
This is so true, to lose someone so so special. No words can describe, thoughts are jumbled, nothing makes sense. I too miss my husband.
It s a different kind of love, you will always miss your late hsband. My current husband still misses his late wife, but we have honoured the past so we can live in the present and dance into the future. Because I was so loved I now have love to share, with my children and grandchildren and my current husband’s children and of course him. Memories are precious, but I am living my life differently and as fully as possible. I feel very blessed.
That’s great, Jill. Continued happiness
I was a young widow. Still a widow but a bit older now. Was widowed at 38 am 63 now. I still miss my husband all those times you mentioned! Even when I had men in my life. You will always feel that way and it is acceptable! If your guy now doesn’t understand then you know he is not the one.
I agree. There are so many men who feel threatened. The right guy will know that there is no competition.
It’s been 16 years now.. I miss my wife so much. I don’t there’s any woman that can feel her space in my heart even though am still single and searching.
She doesn’t have to fill the space, Frank; just acknowledging that it’s there will make her quite special. Best of luck to you.
Agree! Thanks for this.
You’re welcome. Thanks
Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing, and the poignant truth of what it feels like to be a widow~
I appreciate it, Liz.
It’s very hard to do. I had 6 mnths when we found out. We made the best of it while I was wishing those days would never come until it did come and my heart broke into pieces finding out who your real friends really are and those who oh you’ll get over it. I really at that want to punch the heck out of them. And tell them you dont know what it’s like wait and see how you are. Well it’s going on 1 year Sept 28th I find I have good and bad days and I wish that number was never in the calendar but it is. That’s when it’s the hardest. But I go say by day knowing and telling myself he is still with me and watching over me. Prayers to everyone who is going thru this with us love
Thanks. Day by day is all we can do at times. Be patient and kind to yourself. Hugs
So damn true. Each and every word.
<3
Preach!
Thanks!
While reading this I realized that today is the nine month anniversary of losing my wife suddenly. I’m not exactly young, but I am widowed and dating. Virtually all of the advice applies despite my age. I especially enjoyed this post Kerry. Thanks.
Thanks, Tim. Big hugs on your loss
Thanks for articulating this so accurately, Kerry. 5 and a half years later for me since my wife died & I connect with a lot of what you say.
Thanks so much. Glad you could relate but sorry for your loss
It will be 8 years soon since I lost my husband. I couldn’t fathom finding another love that meant as much. Recently I have met another and it is amazing. Just as breathless but different. It would have to be….after all I am different now also. We celebrate and support our memory of our lost loves and somehow believe they got together in heaven and helped put us in each others path.
Love that. I had to remind myself early on that different doesn’t mean bad.
This couldn’t be more accurate. It’s been 2 years, widowed at 29YO. counseling is amazing, success post him is beyond what I ever thought I could do but I miss him so much my heart aches. It’s Mother’s Day but I just want to talk to him. It feels fresh today like it just happened. I date and I don’t try to replace but begin something new but finding someone is so hard. This post is amazingly me.
Thanks, Lascie. Big hugs
It’s almost 5 years for me & I couldn’t have said it better. Thank you for sharing. No one truly understands until they experience it themselves.
It will be three years soon, since losing the love of my life I finally found at age 49. We had 11 wonderful, challenging years together, during which he taught me what it means to be finally truly loved. I’d rather have had that decade with him than 40 years with someone else…but oh, it’s been so very hard. I’m 63, and one if the “in-between” widowed—not old enough to hang with the elderly crowd, too old to imagine starting over with someone and making a life…and at loose ends as I try to figure out what my life should be. Gone is the vision of growing old with him, traveling. Gone is the hope of retirement—I’ll be working a long time now to ensure some security for myself. And gone is the pivotal center of my world, the gravitational pull that kept me in orbit. No good options exist right now for things to fill the void, and financially things are tight. Got to figure this out, I know, but how?
Alexandria, there are people your age and older in many of the “young” widow groups. It’s tough for sure – regardless of age so I know how difficult it must be for you. Be patient with yourself as you figure out the next steps. All the best!
That was beautifully written. I am in my 70’s, but if I had been a young widow, I would hope that I would have been open to another love. I think about when I was pregnant with my second child. I wondered how I would be able to love my second child as much as I loved my first and, of course, I did. I think it is the same with a second husband after becoming a widow. The heart expands and is capable of still loving and missing a first husband, while falling in love with another man. I am proud of how you are handling being a widow.
Thank you so much, Carol. That means the world to me <3
Very well summoned up.
I just typed “I miss my husband” in google and this came up.
Thank you.
My husband has been gone since 10/13/2017.
I will miss my husband for the rest of my life, even if I should be lucky enough to find another good man. And that man will have to know you can’t compete with someone who is dead.
Thanks, Victoria. Yes, we miss them FOREVER.
I miss my husband so much. He pass away 2 month ago. But seems like yesterday. The love I have for him, still the same until today.
Many people come to my life, but I can’t accept them. I’m 28 years with 2 beautiful daughters. But God knows the best..
I miss my husband. He died suddenly and completely unexpectedly. I woke up at 6am and by noon I was essentially widowed at 46 years old. He complained of a headache that was actually a brain bleed. 181days ago. I don’t want to live. I returned to work after leave to find I was demoted. It is another devastating loss. Today I am hopeless and tired. I pray to God please take me. I want to die.
Hi Kim. So sorry for your loss. It’s touch. I get it. Please consider a widow support group, whether in person or online. Soaring Spirits has national chapters and Camp Widow conferences across the country. Keeping you in my prayers. It’s cliche but you won’t feel this way forever. Big hugs.
Laying here balling my eyes out and it’s been 5 years tomorrow. I live everyday still missing him, I think about dating, but no one is attractive to me. At this point , do I need help? No one is my husband, no one can compare.
I think you have to stop subconsciously comparing because as you said, the person will never be your spouse. Keep an open mind. The package is allowed to look a little different. All the best.
There is always this void in my heart that I guess will never be filled again. When he passed away in that terrible car accident almost 2 years ago, a part of me died together with him.
Same situation here… 9 years later. Life goes on and is bearable, but that pain in your heart stays.
Same here as well. Coming up to 10 years. The miss never goes away.
Not getting the chance to say goodbye, just taken suddenly.
Grief is lonely, knowing you are not alone is a comfort.
5.6.2020
Wow!
Thank you so much for this post & your sharing. I randomly typed into the search bar, “when it’s over 5 years & I still miss my husband,” and your piece is where I landed!!! Thank you God!
Whilst I’ve come a long way since his clean & neat exit from this world; I am still just learning to be without a committed man in my life.
Suicide, even when it is “on the radar,” has a way of leaving a wake like no one may prepare for; least of all me! And I was well aware of the possibility, even before we married.
He worked hard & battled health issues (pain) for more than 30 years longer than he felt up to; all because he loved his family so much.
No regrets in marrying the man who chose me & captured my heart. He is still the, “good man, bad boy,” that I fell in love with & shared just shy of 40 years together.
Thank you, Kerry, for your post & sharing! Love to you & others who miss their mates AND still keep living!
Yours truly, Janice
So glad it was helpful. Absolutely, keep living!
My husband of 38 years died 17 years ago.For 15 years I raised and showed dogs.That helped a lot.I lived with our handicapped son who is quite mobile and almost self sufficient.Then I got sick and had to sell the dogs. I was sick with Guillain Barre for 4 months and semi crippled for 6 months more. When I got better it hit me how much I missed my husband. I cried and cried.I believe he came back to me as a spirit and told me what to do about our funeral arrangements.He is cremated and in my bed with me. I began to write a journal-every day I remembered together. It is a big comfort to me to read. I also enlarged many of his pictures and put them in my room which is a sort of sanctuary now.I only cry when no one is around. Tramadol helps me to not cry for hours.Solo sex is also a big comfort.I could never love any one else-he was my soul mate.
Praying for continued health for you. Journaling and writing is a huge outlet for grief. It’s great to go back and see how much you’ve grown through your grief. Keep writing.
Thank you for putting all this in appropriate words! I’ve lost my husband, my rock, my soulmate and the love of my life 4 weeks ago. He died suddenly at our new home!
I’m lost, unfocused, numb and raw. Heartbroken doesn’t cut it!
Take care and hugs,
Mary Anne
Glad it was helpful. Hugs to you as well!
I lost my husband in May 2020 after a 4 year battle with Melanoma. He passed away in our home in my arms. I still think about his last moments every single day and miss him so dearly. Our son just turned 5 in September and will never get to see his dad again. What can I say, the pain so real and raw, there are days where I want to just close my eyes and give up but I look into my sons eyes and I remember the promise I made to my husband before he died “ I will raise our son to be like you and we will always remember you and love you”. I am moving forward with life with my dear husband in my heart forever.
Hugs <3
It’s good to know I’m not alone with the suicidal thoughts, just to be with him, and the thought of no future.
It’s nearly 7 years later and whilst I’m doing okay I still miss him.
I haven’t found anyone else yet, but hopefully I will. It would be nice to feel loved again.
Definitely not alone. All the best to you, Marie.
I miss my husband too. He has been gone almost 6 mos and I read his texts to me and I sit here crying. I have a man I’m dating but I still love my husband. So so sad and alone.
Big hugs. It can be so mentally exhausting balancing the grief while appreciating the joy.
I lost my husband March 25 2021 he was only 45 we would have been married 4 years on May 8th .I love and miss him soo much I know there will never be another him . Im ok some days and bawling the next ..I sleep with his jacket every night the one he wore all the time .. Some days I just want to go be with him ..He was the love of my life ..I love your post and understand every word .
Sending virtual hugs. I think we can all relate to the ups and downs.
I cry every day for the loss of my husband, John he just turned 50 on Dec 2…I have know this man for 36 years and it’s unbearable pain… my father was terminally ill and we cared for him at home he passed Aug 19. I was still grieving him and then on Ash Wed John just died unexpectedly in his sleep. We had had a really wonderful night, intimate, talking planning our future and we were at a hotel to have privacy from the kids. And our house is still in the middle of a major renovation. So it was nice to get away. But to find him dead… I hardly made it to the phone to call for help…. it’s so hard cause I live my kids but I just want to die so I can be with him… I did over med myself one night and I really believe he saved me because every time I would start to fall asleep my cell phone would drop on the hard wood floor waking me… this happened all thru the night. So I really believe his spirit is with me and watching over me..my youngest daughter has told me that he has been on my shoulder from day one, my dog refused to leave the room to go for his favorite night walk and I asked my John is he was with us to tell Rocco (fur baby) to go with me for his walk, as soon as I said that the dog looked at me and left the room… while I was out my middle daughter went to sit in my room and told me that the energy was different then usual and talked to him asking if he was ok and happy snd watching us… the next day she saw a cardinal, rainbow and in the store the pina colada song came on… we played that for him at his service…. I know he is still with us but it still hurts that I don’t have his physical body to hold, I miss my love of my life and hope this will become a little better each day.
As cliche as it sounds, it does get a tad easier to bear – though you’ll have good and bad days. It’s hard losing a piece of you. Be kind to yourself and if possible, consider a support group. Hope for WIdows Foundation and Soaring Spirits International are both great resources.
So very true!
Every word resonated with me… I lost my husband, its been three months now and the pain is excruciating, every cell in my mind and body cries for him.. Every word that you wrote is what I feel. So accurately you put it across. I am not alone in this grieving process and that has given me a lot of strength, I am glad I stumbled upon this article. Thank you.
Glad it resonated with you but I am so sorry you’re a member of this crappy club. It’s still so very raw. I hope you have tapped into a few grief resources. Hope for Widows Foundation and Soaring Spirits International are great.
Thank you for writing this – that is what it is to be a widower too. I so miss my wife, married to me from when she was 19 for the next 27 years. Parenting without her is what is hardest. If she would just talk with me more when I need her.
You sorta scab over and go on but that wound is always with you, every day and every minute. There is no real healing. How can you heal from losing absolutely everything in your life. You just go on, one foot in front of the other and hope for the best, to find peace.
It sucks.
6:16 in the morning. Haven’t slept and google brings you to strange places.
My wife passed away out of nowhere just under two months ago. Didn’t even get a full two years together or make it to our first anniversary. I think constantly about how often she’d tell me we had such a good life ahead of us. Not a day has gone on that’s better. What a horrible life there is ahead…
It’s very cliché and I didn’t believe it but it can and will get better than the darkness that seems to consume the first year. While the life ahead will be totally different that you envisioned, it can also be filled with beauty and happiness. Be patient with yourself.
Kerry – you nailed it. It will be 6 years on 9-6-2021 that my husband passed. Not a day goes by that my heart doesn’t ache. I think of all the things we will never be able to share. All the special moments, our children graduating high school and hopefully college. When our baby girl gets married. Watching our son turn into mature young man. The hardest being that I wanted tp be that old couple walking and holding hands. I know life isn’t fair and I am genuinely happy for my friends that are fortunate enough to still have their spouses. But sometimes I feel a little pang of envy.
I, too, am dating someone. He is a good guy. We share good times and laughs but it’s not the same. I don’t even know if I would ever want my husband and I had. It’s hard for people to understand that I still love my husband with all my heart, yet I am dating someone. Heck, sometimes I feel like I am cheating on my husband.
Thank you for letting me know I’m not crazy or alone in how I feel.
You said my exact thoughts! It’s so hard to let go of the love of my life. I’m 43 and I’m seeing someone else. It’s just hard not to miss him with every kiss and hug I receive from this new person. I silently wish that when I pull back from his face, that maybe I’ll see my husband! I love you with my whole heart Ryan! You’re my one and only in this life and the next!
I feel so sad for the man you are using and manipulating.