A short time after losing my husband, I received the horrible news that my pregnancy was in jeopardy. My daughter was diagnosed with intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) and not growing at a “normal” rate. Additionally, there were a series of other health complications, the most serious of which was an enlarged heart.
I remember wondering what I’d done to deserve losing a husband at 32 years old and why the child I chose to have post-loss was also in jeopardy. I was already struggling with my faith as a widow and pregnancy complications only created more anger. It didn’t seem fair that everything I loved was being taken away.
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After my second week in the hospital on bed rest, with the doctors encouraging an abortion almost daily, I felt especially down. I went searching online to seek out some encouraging words to get me through the darkest of days. It was there that I found:
“In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord – Isaiah 66:9.
In that scripture, I found comfort. I still had such immense pain from the tragic, unexpected death of my husband. Certainly, my daughter would be okay…right?
For so long, I thought of my daughter – now a happy, healthy kindergartener – as the only thing that was born of my pain, the only blessing to have come from my late spouse’s tragic death. But, as author, TEDx speaker and involuntary widow Kelley Lynn often reminds us: Love grows love.
In 2015, I started an online support group for the widowed community. I assumed it would simply be a place for young widows and widowers to vent about the frustrations of life after loss and the challenges of moving forward. The universe had other plans.
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Since the group’s founding, there have been three marriages! Three sets of broken hearts knew loving again didn’t mean forgetting. There have also been several couples and engagements that have resulted from the group.
While every couple has a special spot in my heart, members Alicia and Matt’s engagement and my own wedding have something – rather someone – in common which makes their love story especially meaningful.
In March 2011, when I married my best friend in a ceremony surrounded by friends and family, Inta G, a South Florida photographer, was on hand for the occasion. To this day, I continue to receive compliments about how well our wedding photos capture the love shared between me and my late husband.
Fast-forward to September 2018. Matt reached out to tell me he planned to propose to Alicia during a family photo shoot and asked that I recommend a photographer. I could think of no other person more suited to highlight the beauty of their post-loss love story.
On the days I struggle to find meaning in my late husband’s death…when my heart aches and my eyes are heavy with tears, I look at my daughter and I celebrate all the love that has been born as a result of his death. I look at the friendships that have resulted from the support group. And now, I get to look at Alicia and Matt and their unadulterated happiness.
Kelley Lynn was so very right, love does grow love!
Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry runs a support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a contributor to Open to Hope. Her articles on widowhood and grief have been featured in HuffPost and she was recently featured on the podcast, Moments of Clarity.