In the midst of losing a spouse, I never imagined that there would be light at the end of the tunnel. It’s been almost five years since I received the devastating call that would forever change my life. But, if I’m being truthful, there have also been some unexpected and meaningful things that have been a direct result of his death.

Don’t get me wrong, if given a choice, I would wish to never have lost him in the first place. But, since I can’t change my circumstances, I choose to embrace all the wonderful lessons and people I’ve encountered along my widowed journey.

1. Meeting an Incredible Group of People
Perhaps they were beautiful souls prior to losing their spouses but I continue to be in awe of my fellow widows and widowers. They are the kindest, most supportive people you’ll ever encounter. At a time when no one would judge them for becoming cynical and hardened, they’ve chosen to emit light, not darkness.

2. Finding My Voice
I’ve always enjoyed writing. In fact, I’ve been writing for as far back as I can remember. I never knew it would take the loss of my spouse for me to reignite my passion. Since sharing my own story in The Huffington Post earlier this year, I’ve been contacted by hundreds of widows and widowers across the country thanking me for sharing my story and ultimately giving their widowed journey a voice.

3. Having a Deeper Appreciation for Others
Those closest to me know it. I’m antisocial. I enjoy doing my own thing and being by myself. Since starting the Young, Widowed & Dating online support group, I’ve learned to be more mindful of others and make them feel validated. Whether offering a listening ear or simply allowing a widow to vent about an especially difficult day, I’m putting my own hang-ups to the side to be of help to others.

4. Remembering to Not Sweat the Small Stuff
Death forces you to re-examine the things you once considered important. I’ve become the queen of “It’s not that serious”. There’s a Jamaican express that says, “Wha nuh cost life, nuh cost nuttin’”, which means, “What doesn’t cost life, doesn’t cost anything.” I find I’m now much more willing to make peace than be right. I no longer allow trivial matters to become important and dictate my mood and/or attitude.

5. Getting Through Difficult Moments
As a wise widow once pointed out, “Your worst day ever is likely behind you. When you know that, almost anything else seems possible.” There are times when I feel especially challenged by a difficult problem and quickly remind myself that I survived the immediate aftermath of losing my spouse. I got though a life-altering event that I initially thought would break me. Yet, here I am…not only surviving but thriving.

As I reflect back on my widowed journey, I’m reminded of the scripture found in Isaiah 66:9: “… I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born…”

My special bonds and friendship with fellow widows/widowers and my improved outlook on life are just a few of the “new” things that have been “born” as a result of my hubby’s death. All have played a significant role in making me a kinder, gentler, more compassionate human being.

What beauty have you discovered along your widowed journey?

Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry Phillips became widowed at age 32. She runs an online support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a blogger for The Huffington Post.