According to the nonprofit organization Gun Violence Archives, there have been over 130 mass shootings in the United States since January 1, 2016. Watching the news in today’s 24-hour news cycle can be a “trigger” for many people who have lost a spouse. It can also cause a widow to become racked with guilt over focusing on her own grief while seemingly ignoring the pain of those directly affected by the tragedy.

In the wake of the nightclub massacre in Orlando, several members of the Young, Widowed & Dating Support Group began a discussion about how to process these feelings.

“I have totally been avoiding watching news coverage,” said one member. “I’m so wrapped up in my own grief that I have not really processed it. I briefly saw footage and I was just so so so cold.”

Yet another member said, “I watch as little coverage as possible. Seeing the people who were murdered along with family members who are affected upsets me deeply. Plus, my brother was murdered over four years ago with a gun.”

Overall, the feeling of the group seems to be reflected by a third member’s comment: I was so depressed seeing the news unfold. I’ve been tearful for days.

Florida-based licensed mental health counselor Jacqueline Dawson offers ways widows/widowers in particular can deal with these emotions while mourning our own personal loss. She shared these great insights:

1. Remember that grief has no time limit and it may take on different forms later in life. Yes, you may think that you’re doing well and healing then a national tragedy like this occurs and you realize how much you’re still hurting. It’s okay to acknowledge your feelings. Focus on the progress you have made.

2. An event like Orlando is something no one can prepare for. Therapists often discuss triggers and prepare clients ahead of time for anniversaries and birth dates. Sunday’s tragedy was unexpected and that in itself can trigger emotions as many widows experienced a familiar sudden loss.

3. As we watch and listen to the news, many of us suffer from secondary trauma. This is when individuals hear firsthand trauma experiences (i.e. mothers reading text messages on air, victims talking about the carnage, etc.). Even if we were not there ourselves and don’t know anyone involved, we have been watching it play out over and over before our eyes. This is even more difficult for those who were grieving before this tragedy.

4. Take a break from the news. Keep in mind though that the media will continue to replay images and sounds. There is nothing wrong with disconnecting from the news as needed. Social media may also be problematic as family and friends may use the internet to process what they’ve seen and heard.

5. Indulge in self-care by doing an activity that brings you joy. If it’s reading, lose yourself in a bestseller you’ve been wanting to read. Perhaps working out reinvigorates you. Outdoor activities are also good for the soul. You must take care of yourself or you will not be able to be there for anyone else who counts on you, including your children.

6. You cannot balance tragedy no matter how hard you try. You may respond differently than others. You may be focused on your personal grief and can’t process anything else. That is okay. There is no need to feel guilt or shame if you need to preserve yourself.

Be sure to recognize when you need help and consider talking to a close friend/support group. If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, please reach out to a professional who can provide additional coping techniques.