Widowed. It’s a more than simply having lost a spouse. From the serious to the tear-jerking to the downright hilarious, a group of young widows and widowers shared their responses to “You Know You’re Widowed When….”

Was All of This Necessary?

You have a substantially large power tool collection and don’t know how to turn on a single one.

You find that you are the proud owner of a 200,000 volt stun gun and wonder why he bought such a thing.

You fuss at your late husband for spending money you didn’t know about while he was alive but found the purchases after death.

You have a baggie full of keys and have no idea what they are all for!

You have a random box of tangled cords and wires that you have no clue why he had them so you just shove the box back on the shelf and act like it doesn’t exist!

Around the House

You haven’t changed the light bulb in your room since it went out because you can’t reach!

Every light bulb changed, every wasp nest killed and every toilet unclogged are major life victories.

You change the batteries in the remote control for the first time in 28 years.

You do outdoor “man” jobs at your house and come inside and no one did the “woman” jobs. Or vice versa!

You look outside and see that the yard needs mowing, then realize you have to be the one to do it!

You call your dad to come pick up the dead rodents/birds your dogs kill because you just can’t pick them up.

There is a Wi-Fi network in your house that no one knows the password to.

One half of the bed is always made.

The “Joys” of Parenting…Alone

You have to answer to “Mom, when is daddy coming home?” kinda questions.

The kids wake up in the middle of the night and you realize it is ALWAYS your turn.

You’re trying to discipline the kids and constantly try to remind yourself what your spouse would say or do.

Your parenting decisions are up for public discussion.

Your deeply religious mother-in-law questions who you “counsel with” to make major decisions.

You go on a romantic trip to Europe with your daughter and niece.

Your son asks you a question about his wiener and you stare at him and say hold on then you text your brother or consult Google before you answer.

Doing Me

You don’t have to shave your legs, can wear granny panties, belch and break wind as loudly as you like and can eat all the garlic and onions you want!

You now have to add contortionist to your resume because you no longer have someone to zip the back of your dress.

You are proud of yourself for showering.

You find yourself treating yourself to a special gift, saying “He would have bought it for me”.

There’s no one to nag about the amount of grooming products you have and you don’t have to defend clothing you just bought with “I’ve had that FOREVER. Thanks for just now noticing!”

You eat the same meals for a week straight because you are following a recipe that was meant for a family.

I Can Explain

You have men’s clothes in your closet and no man!

You have back scratchers from the dollar store on your night stand.

In Case of Emergency…

You genuinely and excitedly congratulate the school administrator for having a “widowed” box to check under marital status on your child’s registration forms.

You have no emergency contact for doctors’ forms anymore and you do not know who to put – the neighbor? Your late husband’s cousin? The babysitter?

You answer ‘married’ and are forced to explain why said husband cannot in fact be your emergency contact.

You have to change your emergency contact and strongly consider listing Shemar Moore just because he’s hawt!

It’s Not You, It’s Me

You are mad for “no reason” and then you “remember” you lost a spouse and now you become 10 times madder at everyone and everything including your spouse!

You overhear someone complaining about her husband and you just wish you had your husband to complain about!

You hate everyone that is not a widow.

Actually, It Is You!

You’re ready to throw punches when someone calls him your “ex-husband”.

Your “friends” see you talking to their husbands, come over, maybe say “hello”, and then pull their man away.

You realize you’re left out of couples “things”.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

You find yourself explaining to people that you are NOT a swinger after they get that weird look on their face when you have referred to your husband AND your boyfriend within the same conversation!

You have no remote control batteries because you use them all on BOB (battery operated boyfriend) but hey, who needs to watch TV anyway?

You actually start to miss being woken up with a boner in your back.

You are considered a widow virgin (it’s been so long!).

You are standing in front of an art installation at your local art museum made entirely of long john underwear and you start crying because you miss the way your husband’s manly package looked in long johns.

Your girlfriends are all talking about their husbands and you are buying extra batteries.

Dropping the Bomb

You can feel the air being sucked out of a room when you drop the “widow bomb”.

Someone asks why “a pretty thing like you is not married” and you throw the widow card. The look on their face is freaking hilarious!

The Aftermath

Everyone else assumes you can handle anything because you get really good at pretending you have it together.

You can carry on medical conversations about rare genetic DNA malformations in blast cells with medical professionals.

You frequently talk to someone who isn’t there, asking where things are, why they did something, or just to yell at them. Then, thank them in the next breath for finding the thing, or discovering an answer. Then, say you’re sorry for yelling.

8PM seems like a perfectly reasonable bedtime.  3AM is when you check Facebook because you woke up again. 5AM is when you cry a little because you wonder if this is ever going to change. Then 9AM is your nap until lunch.

You put your wedding ring on to go to bed because you are tired of playing single and it makes you feel loved.

You go to eat at your late spouse’s favorite restaurant on his birthday and you have to decide who’s birthday you are going to say you are celebrating because you don’t dare say your late husband/father—they would never understand.

You just pretend your husband is still alive to random people you will never see again because it’s easier than explaining.

And the kicker…

You find yourself part of a diverse community that you have never met in person and have little to nothing in common except your loss and they are your new best friends that you go to for advice and to talk about your day because “they get it”.

Mom to a feisty preschooler, Kerry Phillips became widowed at age 32. She runs an online support group for young widows and widowers venturing back into the world of dating and is a blogger for The Huffington Post.